In five days

In five days I'll meet my daughter for the very first time. I've played the scene in my head countless times over-- what will she be wearing? How big will she be?  Will she be nervous? Curious? Excited? Scared? Will she cry? Will she understand at all, and will I absolutely melt to pieces when I see her beautiful smile first hand?  I think that answer is YES!

My girl is three years old... and by God's amazing grace... she'll have a family in five short days!

A family-- where love abides.  Forever.

Yet as I sit and pray for our meeting next week, I can't help but ache for one other person.  An awfully special someone-- a woman who will never know of our gathering.  A woman I'd love to meet one day, if only to tell her that the wee babe she birthed is safe.  And warm.  Held.  And loved.  Yes, my heart grieves for our little one's birth mother.  I simply cannot imagine...

Years ago, when I'd let my mind wander and ponder the reality of abandoned children in faraway places-- long before I ever knew the Lord had hand-picked a special one just for us-- I struggled to find sympathy for any of their mothers.  How does one give up her child, after all?  But the more I've read, the more I've learned.  And the more I've learned, the more I've come to realize that giving up a newborn baby simply HAS to be the hardest decision any mother could possibly ever make.  Because for 9 months... that wee one tossed and turned and kicked and grew within her... and try as she might, true love grew.  Surely, it grew.

Still, she made a choice.  Most likely an excruciatingly difficult choice.  A choice driven by the need to please those of this world.  Set in motion by those who simply don't regard life-- precious and perfect life-- as a gift from our loving and gracious Lord.

Was it because of the cleft?  That chasm that screamed of fault and flaw and curse?  Or did she simply know-- deep in the depths of her soul-- that maybe... just maybe... another would rescue her wee babe and provide far more than she ever could?

She cared. Surely, she cared.  And perhaps even silently wished (prayed even?) her little one would survive.

So yes, my heart grieves for the woman who gave our girl life. She will never know that her baby is safe.  And loved.  Cherished and valued.  Home.

So today I pray for her as well.  That she may know the Love of the Savior, who surely turns darkness into light, and in His arms, find true healing and rest.

The light shines in the darkness, 
and the darkness has not overcome it.
John 1:5

Life anew

I've been re-reading a favorite, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, and this morning, as we pack and prepare to travel in four short days, these words speak loudly...

I awaken to the strange truth that all new life comes out of the dark places, and hasn't it always been?  Out of darkness, God spoke forth the teeming life.  That wheat round and ripe across all these fields, they swelled as hope embryos in womb of the black earth. Out of the dark, tender life unfurled.  Out of my own inner pitch, six human beings emerged, new life, wet and fresh.

All new life labors out of the very bowels of darkness.

That fullest life itself dawns from nothing but Calvary darkness and tomb-- cave black into the radiance of Easter morning.

Out of the darkness of the cross, the world transfigures into new life.  And there is no other way.

Then... yes: It is dark suffering's umbilical cord that alone can untether new life.

It is suffering that has the realest possibility to bear down and deliver grace.

And grace that chooses to bear the cross of suffering overcomes the suffering...

My pain, my dark-- all the world's pain, all the world's dark-- it might actually taste sweet to the tongue, be the genesis of new life?

Yes.  And emptiness itself can birth the fullness of grace because in the emptiness we have the opportunity to turn to God, the only begetter of grace, and there find all the fullness of joy.

So God transfigures all the world?

Darkness transfigures into light, bad transfigures into good, grief transfigures into grace, empty transfigures into full.  God wastes nothing-- "makes everything work out according to His plan" (Ephesians 1:11).

~Ann Voskamp

Yes, darkness always precedes light.
So as I'm praying today... praying for our precious daughter, still halfway around the world...
I'm claiming His promises!  That darkness-- her three and a half years of family-less darkness-- will indeed be transfigured into glorious, Christ-filled light!  That her bad will turn to good, that her mourning will turn to dancing, that her sorrows will turn to delight...
and that she will know-- by God's amazing grace-- true joy!

...weeping may last for the night, 

but a shout of joy comes in the morning.

Hallelujah!! Psalm 30:5b

1000 Gifts: Myrtle Beach

#1200: A beautiful end to a wonderful (all-be-it wild & crazy) summer~

 Thank you, Gramoggie & Poppa, for loving us so well!!!

and the list continues....

It's official!!!

Our TA (Travel Approval) has been issued
by the China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption, 

granting us permission to travel to China to finalize our daughter's adoption!

We leave in 2 weeks!!!
Praise the Lord! 

The waning days of summer

Three days ago, my eldest son boarded a plane for Colorado. The night before had been filled with packing & organizing & re-packing & chatting about the week to come, so when the clock blared loud at 3:15 a.m. (who flies out at 5:30 anyway??!), his demeanor was tinged with both excitement and exhaustion, anticipation and... hope.

Several hours later, he landed in Colorado Springs with a few of his fellow teammates, and from there they made the short jaunt to the Olympic Training Center where they're working hard this week, training for a dream.

Parenting truly is bittersweet.  On the one hand, children are supposed to grow up! God designed them that way, after all, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But when I watched my oldest babe stroll out the door-- suitcase in hand, adventure on face-- the tumult churned anew. Because the big girl in me was jumping up and down, cheering for all to hear... here comes my boy, and I am so, SO proud. But deep down inside, where no one but the Lord could see, a terrible ache spread slow... because my son is growing up.  All too quickly... growing up.

Thankfully, we live in the modern era.  Praise God for cell phones-- he called!-- and we talked long, and oh, how I rejoice in the gifts of the Lord!!

As we await his return, we pack and play and run and swim-- anxious for summer's last hoorah.  Back to the beach we go (as soon as we pick up our sure-to-be weary traveler from the airport), back to the glorious expanse... where earth meets sky, and the heavens truly declare His glory!

There are days when I wish summer would linger forever-- days on the sand, days that move slow.  But then I remember the beauty of seasonal change-- my favorite being next in line-- and I breathe deep the provision of the Father.

Taste and see that the LORD is good;

blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.

Psalm 34:8

We're.almost.there. {!!!!}

So what they say is true...

waiting truly IS the hardest part.

But now, after almost 18 months since we (officially) started this amazing journey, the finish line is clearly within sight!

Within 2-3 weeks, we should receive our Travel Approval (issued by the CCCWA... granting us permission to make Consulate appointments & thus enter the country to adopt our little one), and 2-4 weeks thereafter, we'll be leaving on a jet plane... hallelujah!

Sing to God, sing in praise of His name;

extol Him who rides on the clouds;

rejoice before Him-- His name is the LORD.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,

is God in His holy dwelling.

God sets the lonely in families,

He leads out the prisoners with singing...

You, God, are awesome in your sanctuary;
the God of Israel gives power and strength to His people.
Praise be to God!

Psalm 68:4-6,35

⁵ 

1000 Gifts: The beach

Last September, I stopped counting. After entry #1181, I simply set my "pen" aside and silenced the habit I'd grown to love.

Now, almost one full year later, it's time.
Time to dust off my camera and find a nugget-o-time
to capture our journey and savor the goodness...
to acknowledge His goodness and marvel at His grace,

His love too wonderful to miss.

O LORD, our Lord, 

how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Psalm 8:1

1182
Cape May, NJ... my mama's childhood stompin' ground

1183
For one whole week

1184
Brothers

1185
The roar of the ocean

1186
The porpoise at play

1187
Waves to jump, shells to collect

1188
And color-- COLOR!-- everywhere

1189
Chairs for resting

1190
Company for keeping

1191
Rocks for climbing

1192

And time.

To soak it all in, to cherish each bit, to taste and see...

1193

That HE is good!

1194 

Critters for finding

1195

And walks along the shore

1196

Cat-naps on the sand

1197
And seaweed hair

1198
Endless laughter

1199

Together.

Thank you, God.

Could we with ink the ocean fill

And were the skies of parchment made

Were every stalk on earth a quill

And every man a scribe by trade

To write the love of God above

Would drain the ocean dry

Nor could the scroll contain the whole

Though stretched from sky to sky

O love of God, how rich and pure

How measureless and strong!

It shall forevermore endure

The saints' and angels' song

~F.M. Lehman

and the list continues...